Laurie Bretz’s last good bye.

Laurie Bretz. February 8, 2023 on S. Platte Trail and 74 Ave. We went birding that day. Had such a fine time.

(Note: Laurie Bretz is a friend – always will be. She died this past Friday surrounded by loved ones. She had Huntington’s Chorea, a genetically inherited disase which also brought down her father and sister)

We will forever miss her physical presence but have been given the gift of her courage.

in a note from Laurie’s sisters

Dear Friends and Family,

I would like everyone to know why I made the decision to depart this world on Friday, April 12,  2024.

This past November, I began to have difficulties with swallowing.   I initially thought that it could be because of the Botox Dr. Kumar had used to help control the twitching in my face. In early January of this year, though, I received the sad news that it was the advancement of my disease, not a side effect of the botox.

I had spent thirteen years on the Wahls Protocol with minimal symptoms, and was able to maintain a level of quality of life with this regime for 13 years. In October of 2023 I moved to Balfour. However, I was not able to enjoy eating since all of my food has to be blended to avoid the risk of choking. Balfour provides the food and then I bring the food to my room in the evening and the next morning my caregiver blends it up for me.  I’m having trouble not just swallowing but regurgitating, as well.  In addition, my anxiety level is such that I am not sleeping and even having difficulty swallowing the blended food now. Most HD patients have swallowing difficulties. Many have to get  feeding tubes. Even with a walker I have trouble walking.  I fell down and could not get back up until a big man came along and helped me.  I have fallen a couple of times and have a broken nose and holey jeans to prove it! So, my interest in walking has declined making it yet more difficult to be independent.  All of you who know and love me understand that this is not the quality of life I wish to live.

My mother’s death was unexpected yet she had a premonition of it.  Amy was with her when she had her stroke.  I soon arrived at the small community hospital.  After Meg and Katie arrived, Katie covered her with the quilt  that her “Mimaw” had made for her.  At that moment, our Mom breathed her last sigh. It was serene, with music, candles and friends coming to say goodbye.

My mom had a signature dish which everyone loved; her carrot cake. it was known far and wide and will be served at my end of life celebration. and, if I’m lucky, I can sneak a piece with me up into heaven. something like that

 okay

Through my experience with my mother I learned that death is very profound.  I want to be the one to make the decisions about the terms of my own passing.  I want to do this while I still can, while I am still fully autonomous.  While I am afraid, I am more afraid of living through the ravages of this disease in the future. I am also incredibly grateful for the full life I have been able to live.

I chose this time very intentionally for all of the symbolism with springtime and the Easter season, death and rebirth, the reawakening of plants and flowers, and rites of passage marking the arrival of spring. The Equinox has significance for all native people. In the northern hemisphere, it marks the end of winter and the beginning of the lengthening daylight hours that allow for growth and expansion of all living beings.

My Huntington’s disease symptoms were mild compared to other people, like my sister Julie who had severe paranoia. She became unsafe for herself and her caregivers so we had to go through legal proceedings to get custody of her in order to find a safe environment for her. She was in a residential psychiatric unit in Denver for about 8 years. My dad was quite explosive and intensely fixated/focused on different things. He died having suffered a lot and was skin and bones. I do not want to see myself suffer as he and my sister did.

“Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife” by Eben Alexander, M.D. has been helpful and inspiring. There is a soul and a spirit that live on. This belief has helped me make the decision to do the MAiD (Medical Aid in Dying) protocol.  There are many reasons why this is an advantageous time for me to avail myself of the MAiD program.  This program is far superior to any other way I may have chosen to commit suicide.  The disadvantage of other ways of committing suicide; i.e. crashing a car, jumping into a river or jumping off a bridge is that I wouldn’t be surrounded by loved ones and be able to have a peaceful and medically supervised experience.  This program is where two doctors request medication. Most of the people around me see my suffering and wonder what’s going to happen. The MAiD program is an opportunity for me to recreate the passing of my mother. Quiet music and loved ones around me.

Love Always,

Laurie

A brief not from Laurie’s sisters:

What follows is an addendum from Laurie’s sisters and a few of those present at her End of Life Celebration:

Laurie lived her life championing others’ right to self-determination and she lived her life with the intention of recognizing the good in others, opening doors for those with less power and agency, calling out oppression and evil. Her above letter explains her physical decline and her decision to end her life with dignity and she insisted that those gathered to share special moments with her know that she wanted it called a “celebration”. As we gathered to say  farewell to her, she was clear and present, and she  received many blessings, abundant love and prayers and meditation from all those that surrounded her.

She ended her life the way she lived it; with autonomy and dignity. Many of those present feel that she gave us her greatest gift in allowing us to be with her and to be inspired by her courage one final time.She would have had more people present but as you can imagine, she would have been overwhelmed had she made this announcement to a wider group of friends beforehand. Please know that even though you may not have been able to say a farewell to her, you can do that in your meditations, walks in nature and prayers. You can still send your energy and blessings to her. In fact, those were her explicit wishes when others asked what they could do for her.  She died peacefully and she felt she was ready and anxious to free her soul and spirit from a body that no longer served her.  Shortly after she passed, a twister blew huge tumbleweeds helter-skelter 100 feet up in the air!!  We took that as a beautifully portentous sign that she was showing us that her soul had taken leave.

We will forever miss her physical presence but have been given the gift of her courage.